Are routines possible with Autism and ADHD? How I built change into one routine
Originally published on Medium
Being autistic and ADHD is like babysitting 2 bickering kids with completely different interests.
They don’t get along.
ADHD wants to experience something different everyday. It complains “Do we really have to wake up at the same time everyday??” Autism glares and snaps back “Yes, we feel better when we wake up at the same time everyday.”
ADHD rolls their eyes at that. “Well if we feel better, then why do we spontaneously decide to skip our nighttime routine and undo all our hard work establishing a routine in the first place?”
And Autism looks away because darn it, ADHD is right. Why can’t we stay consistent?
And nobody wins. I can make one or the other happy, but both? Impossible.
Or is it?
I achieved one truce by building change into a routine. And that makes me hope I can do it again.
Let me explain.
One of my favorite routines is drinking boba tea at a cafe. I look forward to the familiar routine of ordering my drink, paying, sitting down, getting the drink, and enjoying it in a cute little cafe. It’s a familiar routine and feels good.
And when my ADHD gets the itch to break my routine, I make space for that. Tired of going to the same cafe? Let’s go to another one we like. Need more change? Let’s find a new cafe (after checking all the reviews and menu ahead of time). Tired of the same drink order? Let’s order our other usual drink. Need even more change? Ok, let’s order a pastry with our drink. Or let’s visit the cafe at a different time than we usually go.
These suggestions sound silly but they satisfy a need for both change and routine. For me, regular small change is easier to handle than one overstimulating large change that requires more recovery time.
So Autism and ADHD getting along is possible!
Here’s the not-so-great news. I wish I could say that this works for all my routines. But it doesn’t. My morning routine still hasn’t recovered from introduced change.
If I figure out how to create more routines that accommodate change without getting destroyed, I’ll let you know.
Until then, I enjoy this one boba tea victory.