How I define fun as an autistic adult: It's a bit different

Originally published on Medium

Unlike “How are you?”, the following question is easy for me to answer with advance preparation. And the question is:

‘“What do you like to do for fun?”

I don’t remember the first time I had to answer this question, but I have a childhood memory of answering “read, draw, write” to yet another adult inquiry and realizing how solitary all the activities were.

Later I thought: What do I do for fun? What is fun?? Existential crisis alert.

The answer I settled on (because it was true and showed I was ready to have fun) was “read, dance, and [insert another not-solitary activity for balance]”. I tucked this answer away in my mind to be ready to answer the next adult inquiry. I didn’t want to be caught off-guard like that again!

But I was.

I had to answer this question again earlier this year when my husband and I moved to a new church. And I realized I had no practiced answer anymore. It had been years since I had faced this question and I was unprepared. I mumbled something and threw the question back quickly.

Existential crisis commenced.

This led to the following events.

First, I tried to figure out the meaning of fun.

What is fun? Merriam-Webster.com says something that provides amusement or enjoyment….

Okay. What is amusement?

Back to the online dictionary.

To entertain or occupy in a light, playful or pleasant manner.

Hmm, so maybe most people are asking What do you do to occupy yourself in a light, playful or pleasant manner? But honestly, I do things that most people associate with heavy and serious moods…like researching the meaning of fun for fun.

So what I think people mean to ask is: “What do you do that provides enjoyment?”

And that’s usually activities most people associate with school: learning or creating. Alone. No other people to distract me with their people-energy. My chosen activity changes depending on my mood, the weather, the overall vibe of the day. It’s not static.

So what is my answer?

I like to learn for fun. And write. And dance (that’s still true).

I was inspired by this article by Jackie Schuld.