I’m just like other girls: A girl doesn’t need to be the only “cool girl” in the room to matter

Originally published on Medium

I used to be “not like other girls.”

“I’m not a girly girl,” I’d think. “I’m a tomboy.” (This was a term learned from my mom, a self-proclaimed tomboy when younger.) And I had evidence.

My sisters and I didn’t act like other sisters I saw. We didn’t steal each others’ clothes and return them messed up and act like that was normal (which sounded horrible). Instead, we negotiated a trade that included terms on the date and condition of the returned items. I preferred hanging out with guys and felt like I didn’t quite fit in with girls like the other girls around me did. I felt more comfortable in jeans than a skirt and didn’t want to spend hours on makeup.

But I was okay with that. Different was cool. All the YA novels I spent hours reading had prepped me for this situation. I was obviously destined for a big future, something possibly dystopian and dangerous but ultimately rewarding. After all, only cool girls were different so I didn’t worry.

But eventually, after what felt like the millionth “I’m not like other girls” plot device, logic kicked in.

If many of us girls are not like other girls….. then who are these other girls? If we all identify with the girl who isn’t like other girls, then…. Do those “other girls” even exist?

Way later, I learned about autism and found out many of my traits are shared with other autistic girls. I wasn’t sure how to feel about my personal traits being so common that I saw them reflected again and again in videos and blog posts.

I wasn’t that different after all.

What a strange feeling.

I wasn’t unique? I was just like some girls?

It took some time to adjust to being typically atypical. Once I adjusted, I wondered again about the “other girls”.

Who are they? Just “girly girls”? But, like, isn’t everything a girl does girly so technically every girl is a girly girl and not that different? And maybe the “other girls” actually want to be different too and possibly a YA dystopian heroine? (Just joking about this but it really seems to be a stock character trait in the genre)

Do they want to be “not like other girls”? Do they want to be just themselves and not lumped into a stereotypical category?

Because you can, you know.

You don’t need a neurodivergent brain to do it. We’re not actually limited to just one cool girl in the metaphorical room.

Let’s all be cool regular girls together.