Music overstimulated me during autistic burnout: This is why I’m glad I can listen to it again

Originally published on Medium

I played a song on my phone at home today and didn’t immediately shut it off. I left it on. I danced to it. I enjoyed it.

That hasn’t happened in a while.

During my autistic burnout, listening to music casually became too overstimulating. That hurt to admit because music was a major part of my life before.

Music was fun. I’d always wanted to play an instrument. I inconsistently taught myself songs on the guitar and watched videos on how to improve my singing. I danced along to musicals and learned dance routines.

Music helped me process emotions. After a hard day, I danced to music to shake off lingering anxieties. When sad, I sang sad songs to cry. When happy, I scream-sang happy songs to let happiness flow.

Music also helped me connect with other people. When driving with passengers, I turned on music because driving and singing is easier than driving and trying to make conversation. And we could talk about our favorite songs. At group karaoke, I was one of the first volunteers to start the party.

But for the past couple of years, I noticed music was too overstimulating. I would turn on a song, enjoy it, and then have a small meltdown. And it kept happening. I didn’t want to force myself to enjoy music so I stopped.

I stopped dancing to music at home. I stopped playing music on drives. I stopped listening to music when cooking. I took a break from music.

Music didn’t completely disappear. I still heard it occasionally, like at boba shops and karaoke with friends.

But having spontaneous music playing in the background of my day? Nope.

And now today, in June 2024, I listened to music on my phone.

And it wasn’t too much! I finished the song! And started another!

Welcome back music!

However long this lasts, I’m glad to have you back.