Saying hello in the park isn’t easy for this autistic woman: Why politeness requires prep work

Originally published on Medium

I’m walking in the park. There’s a person ahead walking towards me.

My muscles tense, preparing to walk past them and acknowledge their presence.

And today I have a new thought: What if performing polite social acts, like saying hello to a passing person, happened automatically?

Well, I might enjoy them more like some people do.

Instead, what actually happens is this:

I’m tense and waiting for the right moment to acknowledge this person walking past me.

Oops, I made eye contact too early. They’re too far away to say anything to or smile at.

I focus on the horizon while simultaneously tracking their approach with my peripheral vision.

I also try to figure out what they’ll do. Will they say “Good morning?” Or make eye contact and smile? Or will they walk silently past my anticipatory smile?

And — now I’m just thinking ahead — if we pass each other again, do we need to do this all over again?

My tense muscle are thankful that there’s only one other person walking the path today.

If these moments of social connection didn’t require so much prep work, I could truly enjoy them.

But I’d honestly rather use that energy to enjoy my walk.