The party that made me love parties: How I exchanged reading books in the corner for a spot on the dance floor

Originally published on Medium

If you attended a party with me before This Party, you would notice a book in my hand.

(Sometimes I had 2 in case I got bored of one and wanted to switch.)

You might ask “Why do you have a book?” and my honest answer would be “Because it’s boring to just sit around and eat. Plus I never know how long my family will stay before we can go.”

But then I was invited to a Hispanic graduation party with my sisters and this changed.

(I literally separate my party-going life as Before This Party and After This Party.)

At This Party, more than 300 people filled a large rec center that I would come to know very well. My sisters and I were invited by the graduation girl herself who we met doing volunteer work on a construction site. She was really nice and friendly so we decided to go. Plus, there would be dancing and, if you know me, you know I love to dance.

My memory clearly recalls the dimmed and colorful purple lights. I remember getting invited to dance bachata by a guy named Romeo (pronounced in Spanish). I didn’t know how so he taught me the basic steps. This repeated for each new dance partner and song. They taught me and we danced.

Not once did I get bored or wish I was reading a book.

After that, I was hooked. Fortunately, that invite led to an invite to someone else’s party which led to another and another as we met more people. I learned bachata, merengue, cumbia, salsa, duranguense, and new line dances. I went to baby showers and learned those could actually be fun too. Both the parents-to-be were there and people danced.

So you’re reading this and thinking “Okay, so you got to dance but what about the other stuff that’s hard for you? All the people? The groups? The noise?” Good questions.

Those didn’t bother me too much because I always knew what to expect at each party. There weren’t really any surprises. I knew the schedule and the social expectations before going.

The schedule

Before each party, the invite explained

• the time food was served

• the time dancing started and ended

• the style of dress

That meant we could plan to arrive early for food or come later just to dance. The order of events was the same at each party: dinner, dancing starts, cake/dessert, more dancing. It was typical to leave early after the cake was cut but it wasn’t impolite to leave even earlier.

Social expectations

If we came on time for dinner, I knew that first we would come in and leave our gift at the gift table. Then find somewhere to sit and say hi to anyone that we knew on the way. This included a handshake, hug or a cheek-kiss depending on who we greeted. Then we sat down and waited for the dancing to start. If we sat with other people, we could talk to them but we didn’t have to.

If we arrived late just to dance, I knew that we could skip a lot of hellos because lots of people would be dancing. This time we could get away with adding the gift to the gift table and then going directly to sit down and say hello to people we already knew.

For dancing, I had a script for new partners.

• What’s your name?

• Where are you from?

• How do you know [party host’s name]?

• Ask about likes/dislikes

And that was enough because we were busy dancing! If I didn’t want to keep talking, it was fine. I did worry sometimes about being boring but it never seemed to be a problem with the people who were as crazy about dancing as I was. And eventually, I ended up at the same gatherings multiple times with the same people so we continued past conversations and became party friends.

And when I wasn’t dancing? I watched the dancers to pick up new moves or sang along to the songs.

The pressure to talk? Eased.

I could move. I wasn’t stuck in one chair the whole time.

And the food was amazing!

I’m not saying the parties were perfect. I still masked to fit in with my hair and clothes and still got overwhelmed. But for the first time, I felt capable at a party and that confidence carried over to other gatherings I attended. I learned to navigate those events in a positive way.

And I didn’t have to bring a book with me everywhere I went.

(But I still had one on my phone. Just in case.)