How I learned to make phone calls (but I think there was a better way)

Originally published on Medium

Today I made a phone call, inquiring about a public event with unclear instructions on its website. It was a simple call, lasted less than 5 minutes and I hung up, relieved to be done, as always.

This time was a little different, though: I randomly remembered how upset I felt when my mom forced me to make a phone call.

Growing up, my mom handled phone calls for me. She made my medical appointments (doctor, dentist, etc) and answered their questions while I sat by her eavesdropping. And then one day, she wouldn’t do it. I needed to make a call and she refused. I don’t remember what specifically I had to call for but it was important and I was upset at this betrayal. I sweated through the call and finished, still upset.

But

Why did I do an anime flashback right now?

I pause, letting my words catch up to the moment.

Oh. Realization: I used to think I got upset because my mom suddenly stopped making phone calls for me. Her attitude? “You should already know how to do this.”

I wasn’t ignorant. I knew she couldn’t do my phone calls forever. I knew I should learn how to do it myself. And I wasn’t scared of hard things. I was willing to be a student. And yet I still got upset.

Because?

The rest of my words catch up.

Because she didn’t acknowledge this was hard for me. This willing student needed a teacher. This wasn’t something I “already know how to do”, no matter how many one-sided phone calls I eavesdropped on. I needed some validation and practical support.

Anime flashback over.

Yes, her method worked. I can make my own phone calls now and I’m grateful. But was that really the only way to get here?