Local woman wrecks conversation: The too-real experience of conversing while autistic

Originally published on Medium

Local woman apologizes for derailing your intended conversation. She promises to play her role as conversational partner correctly but requires a script.

Or an outline. Prompting. Any type of feedback that she’s doing what you expected.

Do you want to be congratulated about having 10 kids? Understood. She will definitely not pause awkwardly, silently consider how an old man ended up with 10 kids, then eventually say “Wow, that’s a lot of kids.”

And when you share the 40 year age difference between your kids, she definitely thinks she missed vital stage direction about what to do next. She tries a response: “Wow, that’s a big age difference.”

That wasn’t quite right either, huh?

She also avoids commenting when you compare yourself to Abraham. Abraham didn’t have 10 kids but Jacob had 12 sons. Abraham’s sons did have an age gap, though, but not a 40 year gap. Or maybe you weren’t being literal at all. She wouldn’t normally be so picky about religious similes but you’re a pastor so this is your specialty.

Oh, and she wants to see photos of the other kids, not just the photo of the full-grown daughter holding the baby son. She’s still wondering why you skipped sharing the other 8 children’s photos.

None of that was in your script, huh?