Building in public is harder than expected: But I still want to try

Originally published on Substack

Build in public, take people on the journey with you, show don’t tell - all great advice that I appreciate when content creators follow it. But when I tried to “show not tell” in 2024, I didn’t do it.

Building in public is harder and scarier than it looks.

So I instead tried to figure out what was so hard for me about sharing my works in progress so I could try again in 2025.

Why it’s so hard

Why is sharing in public so hard? Well, I’m black, an oldest daughter, and autistic so I’m used to keeping my ideas and feelings to myself. I only share projects when complete and proven successful.

My feelings are not easy to share verbally, they make little sense when I barely know what I’m feeling. My ideas are more feelings and thoughts, not fully fledged Asana projects with clear tasks. After too many confused faces and people not knowing how to respond to my excited words, I learned to not share. My personal journal was the only one who got to know what I was doing. And everyone else? The finished product spoke for me — this is what I wanted to do.

Now, I’m better at identifying and articulating my feelings but I don’t answer basic questions as expected, questions like “What’s the goal of this Substack? What do you want in 5 years?”

The real answer is “I don’t know. I want to see what it becomes. I felt like it. I needed to write and share.”

That’s not a good Shark Tank contestant answer but it’s the intuitive truth.

Why I want to try anyways

So even though sharing in public won’t be easy, why do I still want to try?

Well, hard doesn’t scare me. I like to try hard things.

I also love seeing other works in progress and learned so much from them. This is my way to pay that forward to someone else.

Also, I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve been sharing my works in progress the last few years at home with my husband. His encouragement has helped me feel brave enough to try.

What’s next

So how am I going to share? My idea is to write a “What I’m learning now” post where I share what I’m reading currently, courses I’m taking or thinking about taking, new ideas or skills I want to try - anything that’s a work in progress.

I also have a YouTube channel @AneishaWonders- another new idea I’m trying - and may share there too.

I don’t know.

I’m not sure yet.

But I hope you join me as I figure it out.

Follow me on YouTube

YouTube is something new I’m trying because I just had to try: https://youtube.com/@aneishawonders

My 5 Rs framework to help create a simple process that works for you: And how I used it to untangle my business's onboarding process

Originally published on Substack

How I stumbled into the 5 Rs Framework

Other people’s templates typically don’t work for me but I didn’t know why until I started my own business.

After a lot of trial and error, I figured out why using a template is sometimes more confusing than working without it. And I used that knowledge to create the 5 Rs framework to improve templates so I can actually get work done better.

Why templates can be confusing

A good template is a shortcut, a way to skip failed trial and error and start Doing The Thing.

But that doesn’t always happen.

I don’t blame the template, though. What’s missing is context. What apps did the creator have in mind when they turned their own process into a template? What apps, team size, and workflows did the creator assume someone would use with this template? That’s what is missing.

Instead of giving us context, we usually get a template with step-by-step instructions, a checklist, or a workflow and those unspoken assumptions are left unsaid. If you are operating your business similarly to the creator, then you’re probably fine.

But if you aren’t? You get what happened to my newbie business-owner mind: confused and frustrated and ditching the template to rely on my own imperfect memory, exactly what I was trying to avoid.

The 5 Rs framework

I stumbled into this framework this year, 3 years into running my current bookkeeping business. I’m currently geeking out about frameworks so you’ll see more of these in future.

I’ll share each step below and then use the example of my client onboarding process to show how I apply each step.

1. Reference - Have a reference point to start creating your process

   • Use someone else’s: Borrow a template or framework as your starting point, even if it’s not perfect. Acknowledge that others' processes might not align with your style or software.

   • Or create your own: Brain dump your own list of steps on paper, a doc, or your preferred app.

2. Review - Use your process and note what’s not working

   • Use the process repeatedly, identifying issues, inefficiencies, or missing steps.

   • Brain dump what you’re actually doing (on paper, audio, or video) and reference your template to avoid missing steps.

3. Revise - Revise your process to better fit what you’re actually doing

   • Add or subtract steps to refine the workflow.

   • Advanced - Organize into phases or sections to clarify the flow and make gaps easier to spot.

4. Realign - Realign your process to your goals

   • Ensure the process aligns with your goals, adjusting it as needed to achieve your desired outcomes.

5. Repeat - Continually revise your process

   • Accept continuous improvement: Revisit steps 2–4 regularly. Processes will never be perfect, but each iteration brings greater clarity and a better experience for everyone involved.

How I used the 5 Rs to untangle my bookkeeping business’s onboarding process

1. Reference

   When I started my business, I had several templates that detailed how to onboard a new bookkeeping client. The problem? Each template’s onboarding was dependent on the creator’s tech stack, team, what makes sense to their brain and other factors that didn’t match me. But I felt more comfortable relying on those templates than creating my own.

2. Review

   While using the templates, I skipped steps because they didn’t fit my workflow. For example, one template separated contract creation, contract sending, invoice creation, and invoice sending. But I used Dubsado which let me combine those actions into one step. Skipping steps in a template was a clear sign I needed to update my process.

3. Revise

   I brain dumped what wasn’t working into a Google Doc and used that to update my onboarding process in Asana. I also added Asana project sections to divide onboarding into phases, like setting up the client in our internal systems.

4. Realign

   My bookkeeping business goal is to take bookkeeping off of the owner’s crazy long to-do list. Unfortunately, onboarding can feel like more to-dos since they have to provide information and multiple documents.

   My current process did not feel aligned to that goal. The owner gets our checklist of tasks in their portal to complete when it’s convenient for them. They also get a deadline to complete all tasks in 2 weeks. Seems good but I've noticed that most people don’t start the tasks until the 2nd week. And the list can feel overwhelming.

   So I have 2 ideas to realign onboarding to my goal: 1) Shorten onboarding to 1 week and 2) Require an onboarding call to compete all tasks on the call. But if someone is able to complete the tasks before our call, then we can cancel it.

5. Repeat

   I continuously review my process, revise and realign it to closer match my goals. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve repeated this for just the onboarding process.

Takeaways

I hope this 5 Rs framework helps you figure out how to improve upon a template or even create your own from scratch.

When the right advice is wrong for me: How to make networking events less awful

Originally published on Substack

My personal trick to make networking events less awful as an introverted business owner?

Let them be potentially awful.

I’ve noticed many people prep themselves for an event with phrases like “This is going to be fun” or “I’m so excited to go.”

But that attitude doesn’t work for me. It's too much pressure to make this event go well and I can’t show up curious and open-minded. So instead, I play a game of “How awful will this event be?”

I keep that question in mind when I enter the event room. It’s not a negative question, but a curious one, almost a challenge asking "No, really, how bad can it be?"

I like that this game removes any pressure to make an event memorable. Any less-than-good moments are just points marked on a mental scoreboard with a smile instead of an anxious stomachache.

If the event is awful, I win the game. And if it’s not awful, the loss is still a personal win.

Ironically, since starting this game, I rarely have a terrible time at networking events. I usually have at least one interesting conversation. And I don’t always leave early.

The takeaway?

Sometimes doing the opposite of everyone else gets us to the same place faster and happier. Because the right advice for one person can be the wrong advice for another.

Tutoring quiet kids helped heal my inner quiet kid: Because being quiet felt like a bad thing

Originally published on Medium

I tutored math for almost 2 years. I had different students, some quiet, some more talkative. I noticed that my lessons with the more confident, talkative kids felt easier to do. The quieter kids felt like more effort.

That realization horrified me because I was a quiet kid.

I remember how inadequate I felt at school, worrying that my teacher didn’t like me. I felt them connect with other students. But no matter how nice I was, I couldn’t connect like that.

I also saw that more talkative, confident students didn’t need coaxing out of a shell. They didn’t need extra questions. There were no awkward silences to wait through.

But I was a quiet kid. I hung back in class. I wished for extra questions and more time to think them through. I wore silence like an itchy sweater. I felt like a bother, like I didn’t talk enough so I smiled a lot to try and make up for it.

I hated that I was potentially making another quiet kid feel the same way.

So what was the problem? I was a quiet kid so shouldn’t I know how to connect with quiet kids?

Normally, yes.

Outside of tutoring, I treat kids like individuals, human beings who can teach me as much as I teach them. I can be quiet with them.

But I abandoned my usual approach and imitated other math tutors because I felt like an imposter. Like, who was I to call myself a math tutor? I wasn’t a certified math teacher.

I imitated other math tutors, adults who follow the conventional belief: “I’m the adult and I must teach you. You’re the kid and you must listen to me.” That’s how I was treated as a child.

Didn’t work for me. Wasn’t working now.

So I stopped.

I went back to how I usually talk with kids. I got curious. I let the silence breathe. I asked more questions.

And eventually the quiet kids became just as easy as the talkative ones.

And my old hurt at being the quiet kid began to heal.

Note to the store employee: It’s not you, it’s your sales process

Originally published on Medium

I get it. You’re being nice and trying to connect and it’s appreciated. Really.

But I don’t have the mental space for that right now. All I can think about is my car trouble.

I’m mentally rehearsing my explanation of the car issues when you ask: “How was your weekend?”

I say “Good” really quickly because I don’t want to forget my explanation. Also, I don’t think you actually want a detailed answer.

And then you ask a follow up question: “What are your summer plans?” and I think: Maybe I was supposed to give a longer answer to the previous question?

But I haven’t explained what’s wrong with my car yet. I’m still mentally rehearsing that.

Can I say that first and then you try to connect? I’m more open to these social connecting type of questions AFTER you deal with my problem.

But that’s not how the typical sales process works, is it?

Can we change that?

Even on a normal no-car-trouble day, I struggle to answer these connecting questions. I don’t know how detailed an answer you’re expecting. I don’t know how much time I have to answer before you need to move on to the next customer.

And oh crap, was I supposed to ask the question back to you?

When you made a joke during the payment process, I didn’t laugh.

I didn’t laugh because a) I wasn’t sure I heard you correctly and b) I was in the middle of payment and reviewing that I didn’t forget anything important.

Can we leave the jokes for the very very end, too? After all important matters are completed? When I have the mental capacity to focus and react?

But that’s not how the typical sales process works, is it?

Can we change that?

I’m slowly becoming a friend of nature (like sometimes I help out a trapped fly)

Originally published on Medium

I’m not sure when this happened. It was a slow gradual thing. But now, when I see a bug in the house, my first instinct isn’t to freak out or kill it.

I try to help it out.

Weird.

There’s been more bugs than usual since it’s springtime. Sometimes a fly wanders into the room and I hear that familiar buzz.

Usually, I get annoyed then plot how to best trap it with the fly swatter.

But now?

I think: Oh crap, not another one. Why don’t they learn?

I stand up and stare at the fly, hurling its tiny body again and again into the window glass, trying to escape. And I shake my head and continue talking to it like it’s a stubborn toddler.

I know, I know. You want to go outside. Guess what, I can’t let you out this way. The window has a screen. Didn’t your friend from last week warn you? If you come into a house, you gotta leave the same way you came in.

And then I start plotting: How do I get it outside without freaking it out more?

I finally managed to herd the frantic fly out the back door, then shut the door quickly to make sure another fly doesn’t accidentally come in.

And I won’t go into the details of trying to help an anxious bee get outside. After 20 minutes of it crawling the wrong way on the window, I took a deep breath, told my brain to stop screaming “It’s a BEE!!!” and scooped it into a cup and set it free outside.

And then I sat on the floor until I stopped trembling.

I used to think those people that gently trap spiders in cups to set them free outside were crazy.

But apparently I’m one of them now.

I wasn’t expecting that.

A life lesson in the farmers market parking lot: A lesson in self-advocating from a little kid

Originally published on Medium

I didn’t expect to get a deep life lesson in the middle of the farmer’s market parking lot.

My husband and I sometimes stop at a small farmers market held Saturday mornings in a parking lot off a busy street.

On this particular day, my window was down. My husband drove into the parking lot and was about to park.

Through my window, I saw a dad tell a little kid with brown curly hair: “Be careful so he doesn’t run you over.”

And then that little kid turned and yelled at our car “Don’t run me over!”

And I had to stop, mentally record this moment and then later, I wrote it down on my phone so I didn’t forget.

First, because this was the cutest moment.

But more importantly, because I learned something from this kid.

They were so smart. They got a warning from their dad then correctly identified who to warn to ensure their personal safety.

They didn’t hesitate to speak up for themselves.

You go, kid.

I wanna be like you when I grow up.

Rest is actually work: How resting made me a better signer

Originally published on Medium

I was working as an ASL interpreter when the 2020 pandemic started. This meant I drove around a lot to interpret for the Deaf community in different situations. Basically anywhere you imagine a person being — at a doctor’s appointment, in a college class, at a conference — I was there, interpreting and supporting a colleague working with me.

And in between all that interpreting, I signed at church and with church friends. And I practiced at home because I like to improve my language skills. So I did a lot of signing.

But you know what really improved my sign language ability? What made my signing improve so much that a Deaf professional wanted to know how I did it, was I getting mentored?

When he asked the question, I paused for a split second. I thought about it. What had I done?

Well, nothing.

I hadn’t done anything different. Just being home, not working as much, resting more than I ever had, becoming more myself and less anxious.

Oh.

I smiled, shrugged and signed my answer: No, I’ve been resting.

This 90s kid wanted an anti-aging routine: And it’s not all social media’s fault

Originally published on Medium

I’m a 90s kid. I didn’t grow up with social media but I worried about my appearance from a young age.

This worry was not social media’s fault (since it didn’t exist yet) and it wasn’t completely the media’s fault. I didn’t read beauty magazines or care about celebrities that much. They were rich people I didn’t know.

I worried because women around me taught me to worry about my appearance.

My mom gave me products to use on my already blemish-free child skin: facial scrubs and Sea Breeze applied with cotton rounds. She had spa days with me and my sisters. We cracked open eggs and brushed the egg white on our faces, then leaned over a bowl of hot water for a DIY steam treatment.

And, well, that wasn’t all negative. It was also fun and family time and self-care.

But you know what wasn’t fun?

Staring at my face in the bathroom mirror, worrying that a forehead wrinkle was too deep for a middle-schooler. I always heard women half-joke and fully complain about their own wrinkles. Wasn’t I too young for wrinkles?

And you know what else wasn’t fun?

Worrying about the vellum hairs that grew on my face and body. Older women talked frequently about their unwanted hairs and I added that to my growing worry list. In middle school, I started bleaching my face and arm hairs and then worried that the blonde on brown skin was even more noticeable.

There was so much to being a woman to worry about. I created mental wish lists for expensive improvements I couldn’t afford: laser hair removal, facial serums, injections.

There was no Instagram filters or YouTube stars. Social media didn’t make me worry like this.

I learned to do this from the women around me.