Building in public is harder than expected: But I still want to try
Originally published on Substack
Build in public, take people on the journey with you, show don’t tell - all great advice that I appreciate when content creators follow it. But when I tried to “show not tell” in 2024, I didn’t do it.
Building in public is harder and scarier than it looks.
So I instead tried to figure out what was so hard for me about sharing my works in progress so I could try again in 2025.
Why it’s so hard
Why is sharing in public so hard? Well, I’m black, an oldest daughter, and autistic so I’m used to keeping my ideas and feelings to myself. I only share projects when complete and proven successful.
My feelings are not easy to share verbally, they make little sense when I barely know what I’m feeling. My ideas are more feelings and thoughts, not fully fledged Asana projects with clear tasks. After too many confused faces and people not knowing how to respond to my excited words, I learned to not share. My personal journal was the only one who got to know what I was doing. And everyone else? The finished product spoke for me — this is what I wanted to do.
Now, I’m better at identifying and articulating my feelings but I don’t answer basic questions as expected, questions like “What’s the goal of this Substack? What do you want in 5 years?”
The real answer is “I don’t know. I want to see what it becomes. I felt like it. I needed to write and share.”
That’s not a good Shark Tank contestant answer but it’s the intuitive truth.
Why I want to try anyways
So even though sharing in public won’t be easy, why do I still want to try?
Well, hard doesn’t scare me. I like to try hard things.
I also love seeing other works in progress and learned so much from them. This is my way to pay that forward to someone else.
Also, I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve been sharing my works in progress the last few years at home with my husband. His encouragement has helped me feel brave enough to try.
What’s next
So how am I going to share? My idea is to write a “What I’m learning now” post where I share what I’m reading currently, courses I’m taking or thinking about taking, new ideas or skills I want to try - anything that’s a work in progress.
I also have a YouTube channel @AneishaWonders- another new idea I’m trying - and may share there too.
I don’t know.
I’m not sure yet.
But I hope you join me as I figure it out.
Follow me on YouTube
YouTube is something new I’m trying because I just had to try: https://youtube.com/@aneishawonders
My 5 Rs framework to help create a simple process that works for you: And how I used it to untangle my business's onboarding process
Originally published on Substack
How I stumbled into the 5 Rs Framework
Other people’s templates typically don’t work for me but I didn’t know why until I started my own business.
After a lot of trial and error, I figured out why using a template is sometimes more confusing than working without it. And I used that knowledge to create the 5 Rs framework to improve templates so I can actually get work done better.
Why templates can be confusing
A good template is a shortcut, a way to skip failed trial and error and start Doing The Thing.
But that doesn’t always happen.
I don’t blame the template, though. What’s missing is context. What apps did the creator have in mind when they turned their own process into a template? What apps, team size, and workflows did the creator assume someone would use with this template? That’s what is missing.
Instead of giving us context, we usually get a template with step-by-step instructions, a checklist, or a workflow and those unspoken assumptions are left unsaid. If you are operating your business similarly to the creator, then you’re probably fine.
But if you aren’t? You get what happened to my newbie business-owner mind: confused and frustrated and ditching the template to rely on my own imperfect memory, exactly what I was trying to avoid.
The 5 Rs framework
I stumbled into this framework this year, 3 years into running my current bookkeeping business. I’m currently geeking out about frameworks so you’ll see more of these in future.
I’ll share each step below and then use the example of my client onboarding process to show how I apply each step.
Reference - Have a reference point to start creating your process
Use someone else’s: Borrow a template or framework as your starting point, even if it’s not perfect. Acknowledge that others' processes might not align with your style or software.
Or create your own: Brain dump your own list of steps on paper, a doc, or your preferred app.
Review - Use your process and note what’s not working
Use the process repeatedly, identifying issues, inefficiencies, or missing steps.
Brain dump what you’re actually doing (on paper, audio, or video) and reference your template to avoid missing steps.
Revise - Revise your process to better fit what you’re actually doing
Add or subtract steps to refine the workflow.
Advanced - Organize into phases or sections to clarify the flow and make gaps easier to spot.
Realign - Realign your process to your goals
Ensure the process aligns with your goals, adjusting it as needed to achieve your desired outcomes.
Repeat - Continually revise your process
Accept continuous improvement: Revisit steps 2–4 regularly. Processes will never be perfect, but each iteration brings greater clarity and a better experience for everyone involved.
How I used the 5 Rs to untangle my bookkeeping business’s onboarding process
Reference
When I started my business, I had several templates that detailed how to onboard a new bookkeeping client. The problem? Each template’s onboarding was dependent on the creator’s tech stack, team, what makes sense to their brain and other factors that didn’t match me. But I felt more comfortable relying on those templates than creating my own.
Review
While using the templates, I skipped steps because they didn’t fit my workflow. For example, one template separated contract creation, contract sending, invoice creation, and invoice sending. But I used Dubsado which let me combine those actions into one step. Skipping steps in a template was a clear sign I needed to update my process.
Revise
I brain dumped what wasn’t working into a Google Doc and used that to update my onboarding process in Asana. I also added Asana project sections to divide onboarding into phases, like setting up the client in our internal systems.
Realign
My bookkeeping business goal is to take bookkeeping off of the owner’s crazy long to-do list. Unfortunately, onboarding can feel like more to-dos since they have to provide information and multiple documents.
My current process did not feel aligned to that goal. The owner gets our checklist of tasks in their portal to complete when it’s convenient for them. They also get a deadline to complete all tasks in 2 weeks. Seems good but I've noticed that most people don’t start the tasks until the 2nd week. And the list can feel overwhelming.
So I have 2 ideas to realign onboarding to my goal: 1) Shorten onboarding to 1 week and 2) Require an onboarding call to compete all tasks on the call. But if someone is able to complete the tasks before our call, then we can cancel it.
Repeat
I continuously review my process, revise and realign it to closer match my goals. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve repeated this for just the onboarding process.
Takeaways
I hope this 5 Rs framework helps you figure out how to improve upon a template or even create your own from scratch.
When the right advice is wrong for me: How to make networking events less awful
Originally published on Substack
My personal trick to make networking events less awful as an introverted business owner?
Let them be potentially awful.
I’ve noticed many people prep themselves for an event with phrases like “This is going to be fun” or “I’m so excited to go.”
But that attitude doesn’t work for me. It's too much pressure to make this event go well and I can’t show up curious and open-minded. So instead, I play a game of “How awful will this event be?”
I keep that question in mind when I enter the event room. It’s not a negative question, but a curious one, almost a challenge asking "No, really, how bad can it be?"
I like that this game removes any pressure to make an event memorable. Any less-than-good moments are just points marked on a mental scoreboard with a smile instead of an anxious stomachache.
If the event is awful, I win the game. And if it’s not awful, the loss is still a personal win.
Ironically, since starting this game, I rarely have a terrible time at networking events. I usually have at least one interesting conversation. And I don’t always leave early.
The takeaway?
Sometimes doing the opposite of everyone else gets us to the same place faster and happier. Because the right advice for one person can be the wrong advice for another.
The problem with undefined social invitations: This is why I'm just going to say "no"
Originally published on Substack
Okay. Fine. I admit it.
I don’t handle social ambiguity well.
To have fun, I need as much clarity and specificity as possible. Specificity like sending a Calendly link to schedule a catch-up with my sister. That’s the level of unambiguity I need to enjoy a social event.
So invitations like “come over anytime” are just not for me due to the ridiculous amount of time spent analyzing them, looking for meaning.
First, I wonder if it’s an actual invitation. Or maybe the invite is the polite message “I’m saying goodbye in a way to leave this conversation without feeling bad.”
Then, if I feel this is a genuine invitation, I try to figure out the meaning of “anytime.”
They haven’t told me their preferred visiting times. I don’t know their daily schedule. So am I supposed to intuit what “anytime” means? (Because I know it's not literally any time. I doubt they want me to pop by at midnight.)
Next, I think about what we’ll do during the visit. Should I bring a game to play? What if I don’t feel like talking? And how long should I stay?
After all that thinking, I’m tired already. And I haven’t even gotten to the actual peopling part!
So let’s be honest:
I’m not showing up to your casual “come anytime” invite.
Sorry not sorry.
But if you say something like “Hey, I’m making cookies tomorrow. Stop by around 5 to get some.”
I’ll be there.
Because instead of freezing from analysis-paralysis, I can ask myself easy questions with easy answers:
Am I free around 5? Yes.
Do I want cookies? Yes.
And even if I don’t want cookies, do I want to visit this person? Yes.
That’s the level of specificity I need to enjoy being around other people.
Tutoring quiet kids helped heal my inner quiet kid: Because being quiet felt like a bad thing
Originally published on Medium
I tutored math for almost 2 years. I had different students, some quiet, some more talkative. I noticed that my lessons with the more confident, talkative kids felt easier to do. The quieter kids felt like more effort.
That realization horrified me because I was a quiet kid.
I remember how inadequate I felt at school, worrying that my teacher didn’t like me. I felt them connect with other students. But no matter how nice I was, I couldn’t connect like that.
I also saw that more talkative, confident students didn’t need coaxing out of a shell. They didn’t need extra questions. There were no awkward silences to wait through.
But I was a quiet kid. I hung back in class. I wished for extra questions and more time to think them through. I wore silence like an itchy sweater. I felt like a bother, like I didn’t talk enough so I smiled a lot to try and make up for it.
I hated that I was potentially making another quiet kid feel the same way.
So what was the problem? I was a quiet kid so shouldn’t I know how to connect with quiet kids?
Normally, yes.
Outside of tutoring, I treat kids like individuals, human beings who can teach me as much as I teach them. I can be quiet with them.
But I abandoned my usual approach and imitated other math tutors because I felt like an imposter. Like, who was I to call myself a math tutor? I wasn’t a certified math teacher.
I imitated other math tutors, adults who follow the conventional belief: “I’m the adult and I must teach you. You’re the kid and you must listen to me.” That’s how I was treated as a child.
Didn’t work for me. Wasn’t working now.
So I stopped.
I went back to how I usually talk with kids. I got curious. I let the silence breathe. I asked more questions.
And eventually the quiet kids became just as easy as the talkative ones.
And my old hurt at being the quiet kid began to heal.
What overwhelm looks like for me: Because it still happens sometimes even with a good routine
Originally published on Medium
I need to brain dump my thoughts onto paper daily at first and then multiple times a day (but I don’t save the paper).
I think so loudly that I miss what’s happening around me.
I bump into more objects and lose track of where my limbs are.
My brain is busy when I try to sleep and is still going when I wake up.
My stomach is tense and my breaths are shallow.
Video is overstimulating reading is overstimulating I’m under stimulated inactivity is somehow overstimulating.
I need multiple lists and reminders to remember what I’m doing.
I’m stressed by
everything.
And I don’t notice all this until I finally remember to
stop
take a deep breath
and then I realize: Oh. I’m overwhelmed
Improving my mood by changing my wake up time: I experimented with different wake up times and 6:15 am won
Originally published on Medium
I experimented with waking up at different times to see how it affects my mood. And I noticed an improvement when I wake up before 7:00 am.
The experiment started this summer when I took advantage of my flexible schedule and began snoozing my usual 7:30 am alarm.
My brain interpreted the later wake up time to mean “Go to bed later!” And since I slept later again, I snoozed the alarm again the next morning.
And so the Sleep Late-Wake Late cycle began again.
This happens sometimes, thanks to a lifetime of sleep troubles. It’s a familiar cycle that I have to break out of. And I can’t break out of it by going to sleep earlier. That NEVER works.
What works is a hard reset by waking up very early.
Even if I sleep late the night before.
This summer, I accidentally broke the cycle by waking up early for an appointment. The alarm rang at 6:00 am and I opened my eyes, fully awake. I didn’t even think about tapping the “Snooze” button.
The scientist in me wondered “Is my 7:30 am wake up time making me want to snooze my alarm?”
So I decided to test it out. I woke up at different times each morning and noticed how I felt.
7:00 am — Feel more awake but still tempted to snooze my alarm.
8:00 am — Feel so pessimistic, want to keep sleeping. Ugh, why am I getting up.
9:00 — Feel a bit more awake but still groggy. And now the day feels off since I woke up later than usual.
6:30 — Feel more awake, getting up was less of a chore, less tempted to snooze the alarm
6:00 am — …Am I me? What are these effortlessly positive and happy feelings?? Not tempted to snooze the alarm. Hmm…
6:15 am — I think this is the right time. Still feel positive, happy, looking forward to the day, not tempted to snooze.
My conclusion based on my very scientific self-experiment? Waking up between 6:00–7:00 am greatly improves my mood.
This doesn’t surprise me though. I’ve always loved being up early. There’s something special about being awake when the world is still asleep. I used to wake up at 5 am for church activities and half the fun was being out and about early.
Oh and update: One month later and the 6:15 wake up time is still working.
I wake up at the same time everyday (yes, even weekends). Improving my mood just by changing my wake up time was a successful experiment.
My next challenge? Going from “No, I’d rather stay awake than go to sleep” to “I like going to sleep!”
….We’ll see how that goes.
Yes, this autistic can travel with (a lot of) preparation: My personal travel challenges and experiences
Originally published on Medium
I write a bit about my travel experiences, and this helped me connect with other autistic travelers online who share their experiences too.
And this week, I was quoted in a New York Times article on neurodivergent travel.
I’m still processing this…
…it’s gonna take a while to process this.
Moving on.
I wrote almost a full essay to answer the reporter’s questions and was going to leave them sitting in Google Docs. But then, Rose Ernst, also quoted in the article, had the great idea to share her answers on her Substack.
I’m stealing the idea like an artist and sharing my answers here.
From your experience, what have you found to be some of the challenges for neurodivergent or autistic travelers? Which aspects of travel create the most difficulty? (Overcrowded airports? Plane noises during flights? Staying in unfamiliar hotel rooms? Etc..) Any specific examples from your own experiences where you faced challenges? How did you overcome them?
Getting used to a new place can be hard. I find that it takes me 3 days to feel settled. What helps is building my needs into the schedule instead of forcing myself to be comfortable. The first few days in a new place are focused on acclimating and finding places we like, such as a nice coffee shop or a park. Then those places become the new go-to places to visit. In Da Nang, Vietnam, one coffee shop was my favorite and then another 2 were my backups if I wanted to be closer to home.
I try to have the same daily routine. What works so far is having a routine that’s the same no matter where I am and then allowing for the specific elements to vary. For example, I drink hot water with lemon and honey every morning. Sometimes the lemon is swapped for lime or another citrus fruit I found in the grocery store or apple cider vinegar. It works because I know what to expect each day. This also works for food. I have a basic dish I can cook no matter where I am. Most places have onions, leafy greens, and rice that I can use to make a basic stir fry (my current favorite food).
Travel days — being in transit from one place to another — can be stressful because there’s so many details to track. My solution? Travel days have only one goal: arrive at the next location. Anything else is a bonus. I also treat myself on travel days with my favorite activity: reading. I read ebooks in the airport, on the plane, the bus, etc. Sometimes I watch videos in my excessively long Watch Later list on YouTube.
What, in your experience, does the travel industry do well to assist or accommodate you?
Do travel influencers count as the travel industry? Because they help me a LOT. I like to know from A to B to C all the way to Z what to expect to get me from one location to another. YouTube and social media has been incredibly helpful in talking about the small details. For example, my husband and I went to Bangkok, Thailand last year and watched a ton of videos on how to get from the airport to the sky train. There was one video that filmed the trip from landing at the airport, walking down the pathway and to the first train stop, all the way to the final stop. I want that level of detail when researching my plans.
What could the travel industry do better?
Airports do not have enough signs. I want more signs when navigating the airport so I know I’m going the right way.
One airport, I think it was Boston, had excellent signage. Everytime I felt unsure about where I was going, I would spot a sign pointing me in the right direction. Not all airports are like this.
Signs would be helpful when going through security, too. Not all airports have the same rules for security. Sometimes you have to take out your laptop. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you take out the tablet, sometimes you don’t. It’s not consistent, and that is stressful. So I usually just err on the side of taking out all electronics. But it’d be easier if there was a sign with pictures as a reminder. Don’t assume everyone remembers what to do.
You seem to be empowered by traveling! What have the benefits been and what is your message for other autistic people who may not have spent as much time traveling, but who want to?
I’m not a full-time traveler and have done a few house-sits domestically. Internationally, I’ve been to Portugal, Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, Ecuador, the ABC islands and domestically I’ve traveled to about 7 states.
When you travel, you realize “normal” is relative. It depends where you are and who you’re around. You can be normal in one place and totally weird in another. For example, I love to eat rice and sit on the floor and not wear shoes indoors. In the United States, that might be different or weird. But when I was in Bangkok, that wasn’t at all unusual. It was everyday life. Riding public transport in some places might be viewed as strange or shady but in others, it’s a way of life. Travel reminds me that normalcy is not fixed.
What made you personally decide to start traveling? What were you doing before that?
I’ve just always wanted to travel. As a kid, I read blogs online of people who traveled to other countries. I read and paid attention to how they prepared for travel. And when travel YouTube became a thing, I watched videos and absorbed their tips and challenges. I guess I’ve been preparing for years! So when I finally started traveling, I had an idea of what to expect.
Music overstimulated me during autistic burnout: This is why I’m glad I can listen to it again
Originally published on Medium
I played a song on my phone at home today and didn’t immediately shut it off. I left it on. I danced to it. I enjoyed it.
That hasn’t happened in a while.
During my autistic burnout, listening to music casually became too overstimulating. That hurt to admit because music was a major part of my life before.
Music was fun. I’d always wanted to play an instrument. I inconsistently taught myself songs on the guitar and watched videos on how to improve my singing. I danced along to musicals and learned dance routines.
Music helped me process emotions. After a hard day, I danced to music to shake off lingering anxieties. When sad, I sang sad songs to cry. When happy, I scream-sang happy songs to let happiness flow.
Music also helped me connect with other people. When driving with passengers, I turned on music because driving and singing is easier than driving and trying to make conversation. And we could talk about our favorite songs. At group karaoke, I was one of the first volunteers to start the party.
But for the past couple of years, I noticed music was too overstimulating. I would turn on a song, enjoy it, and then have a small meltdown. And it kept happening. I didn’t want to force myself to enjoy music so I stopped.
I stopped dancing to music at home. I stopped playing music on drives. I stopped listening to music when cooking. I took a break from music.
Music didn’t completely disappear. I still heard it occasionally, like at boba shops and karaoke with friends.
But having spontaneous music playing in the background of my day? Nope.
And now today, in June 2024, I listened to music on my phone.
And it wasn’t too much! I finished the song! And started another!
Welcome back music!
However long this lasts, I’m glad to have you back.